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Holler: Seller a hair off in Vikings history
Just when you think that you've heard it all, something new comes up that makes you think perhaps the Mayans were right and we're close to the End of Days.
There are times when something is so arcane and unquestionably ridiculous that it shows the state of the world in which we currently live. In the realm of sports, just about anything is for sale when it comes to memorabilia. Half or more of all autographs sold are forgeries. A sweat-stained towel that someone claims once touched the forehead of John Elway has been sold. Jerry Rice's socks have been sold. Perhaps even chewed gum has been sold – it wouldn't be without precedent. But a listing on Craigslist.com may have raised the bar for stupidity so high that it did something I didn't think possible – force me to don my Sherlock Holmes hat and prove the "memorabilia" in question is a fake.
You can buy a lot of things on Craigslist. That's what Craig does. But, a recent listing clearly did not come with a Certificate of Authenticity and, unfortunately, didn't come with much attention to detail.
For those who aren't willing to hit the link provided HERE, someone from Minnesota – complete with an elaborate backstory – claims that he has authentic Brett Favre pubic hair for sale. The chain of custody is dubious at best – a computer-illiterate entrepreneurial-savvy brother who was "an equipment manager" with the Vikings from 2006-11 who handled the laundry. According to the story, there was an unseemly amount of hair left behind in the Silver Fox's hammock.
What makes this story interesting for a conspiracy buff like myself – aside from listing the item as a "Piece of Vikings History" this is also "One of a Kind" and claiming that the proud purchaser will have the "game-worn pubes of a living legend" while cautioning Packer fans not to bid – is that they messed up so grotesquely that, if, by the time you read this, someone has met their purchase price and bought the Favre follicles, when they sue the seller, they can call me as expert witness.
Before you get the notion that I could positively identify Favre's basement collectibles, tap the brakes. The problem is that the seller attempted (badly) to time stamp the event over the pubes in question. It's bad enough that, in the description of the $200 chards of history, the seller's alleged brother claims that the hair in question was gleaned Aug. 29, 2009 after the Vikings-Chiefs game – Favre's Viking debut. What makes it worse, is the night in question is tattooed on my memory and it wasn't Aug. 29.
I didn't even have to look up when Favre made his Vikings debut. It was two days before my birthday.
However, the Craigslist offering, which has since been flagged for removal, of the (Short and) Curly Lambeaus was quite specific that the CSI jock job was done on Aug. 29. It's done to the point that the baby Zip-Loc bag typically reserved for fish hooks or drugs was "time-stamped" – reading "Favre 8/29/09" in Sharpie.
Had the seller said that his luddite brother had swept up the barber shop clippings after the final practice prior to the Houston game, there could be a quasi-sense of legitimacy to that claim.
Unfortunately for the second-hand jock sniffer attempting to sell the purloined pubic hair, the story doesn't match up. In my world, Aug. 21, 2009 is a date that will forever be emblazoned on my memory. Aug. 29? That's a date that doesn't mean squat. Neither does the non-fact checked backstory to the authenticity of the item up for sale.
And now you know, the rest … of the story.
John Holler has been writing about the Vikings for more than a decade for Viking Update. Follow Viking Update on Twitter and discuss this topic on our message boards. To become a subscriber to the Viking Update web site or magazine, click here.
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